I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
