so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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