They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
