There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
