having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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