when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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