He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
