This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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