and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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