All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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