dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
