my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
