Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
