i don't plan on having that self control this summer
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
