So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
