You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
