How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
