dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
