i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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