Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
