At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
