I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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