if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
