I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
