drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
