Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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