Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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