I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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