Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
