I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
