my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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