Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
