I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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