Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
