Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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