Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
