I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
