Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
