My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
