Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
