my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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