Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
