im gay
i know
yea but for you.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
