he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
