she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We are two peas in an std pod
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize