Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
