I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
