Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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