Already got asked if we're dating
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
