This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
