we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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