look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
