In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
