Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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