My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i think i have herpe
just one?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
