his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
God, I missed his penis.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
