where am i from again
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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