Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
