just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
