that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
