im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
