I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
