im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
